Zero Per Gallon is embarking on a journey of scientific discovery. The mysteries of burrito fuel are about to be unlocked, and the powerful truth revealed.

The bike lifestyle apparel brand will be partnering with the prestigious* Secondary Academy for Success, one of the preeminent secondary education establishments of Bothell, Washington, to determine the legitimacy of the 53 Miles Per Burrito claim, once and for all. The Secondary Academy for Success, a 9-12th grade secondary institution known for its focus on Academia and Success, has been written up in such publications as The Bothell Reporter, The Zero Per Gallon Blog, and Bothell.pi.

“The idea for this project was born the moment I saw the t-shirt,” says Chief Researcher and Professor of Awesome at SAS Mike Wierusz. “I lost countless nights of sleep wondering if the statement was really true.  Can you really get 53 miles per burrito?”

The project is not without its risks. Kit Kohler, President and Big Kahuna of Zero Per Gallon, at first felt hesitant to allow the company to be involved in a project that could shake the very foundations of its most popular product, the 53 Miles Per Burrito T-Shirt. “I was both thrilled and terrified by the prospect of validating or invalidating Johnny5′s burrito fuel efficiency estimate,” says Mr. Kohler. “It figuratively took my breath away.” Wierusz had his own concerns about how the study could backfire. “My concern with this research is that it comes at the tail end of deep conversations and debates on greenhouse gases (methane, etc.).  With all this burrito consumption, will we be doing more harm than good?” In the end, it was decided that the truth needed to get out.

Stratagems for accomplishing their lofty research goal were immediately discussed, including “an exhaustive search of taquerias in the greater Seattle area,” with an eye towards burrito volume and density, ingredient variations, and “the effectiveness of burrito additives such as Guacamole.” In the end, corporate interests won out as Burrito Behemoth Chipotle took a considerable financial interest** in the project.

A web page has been set up to document the study. Research began today.

Zero Per Gallon and its Big Kahuna regard education as paramount to the future of our nation and any humor or sarcasm found within this article is intended to be directed only at Zero Per Gallon and its subsidiaries, not at the brilliant educational prowess of Mister Wierusz, MAT, LEED AP, or the fine, upstanding and well-behaved students of The Secondary Academy for Success.
* All judgements are based strictly on biased conjecture.
** An as yet to be determined number of burritos, estimated somewhere between 10 and 18.

This weekend is the 2010 San Francisco Bicycle Expo, and if you’re anywhere in Northern California I highly recommend a trip to check this out. From a cyclocross race and pump track to big and small vendors to a bicycle fashion show, this event has it all if you’re a cycling fan in the Bay Area.

Collabo 53 Miles Per Burrito Fixie Shirt by theloinsf

I will be hocking my wares in a shared space with my friends at Ideum Apparel. Not only will I be selling all the awesome products available on the web store, but I’ll be selling the extremely limited edition collabo tee designed by my friends at The Loin SF. Not only do you get a sweet shirt, but I’m donating a portion of the proceeds from its sale to this year’s Trickster Treat charity, Up on Top, an after school program for disadvantaged kids in San Francisco.

So come by and say “Hi.”

While ZPG did not have a booth, we were heartily represented by the fine folks at Mission Bicycle Company, who actually ordered up a fresh batch of our I [crash] SF and 53 Miles Per Burrito t-shirts in gray just for the event (word had it the 53 Miles Per Burrito shirts were their top seller at the show… hey shop owner I’m looking at you, baby… call me…). But the ZPG love didn’t end there.

Courtesy of Adrienne of ChangeYourLifeRideABike

While browsing over the styles to be represented that evening in the Momentum Magazine Bike Expo Fashion show, I stumbled upon model #4, wearing a  “…53 Miles Per Burrito T-shirt.” Could it be? Had my moment in the sun arrived? Was I going to Bryant Park to have my look judged by Heidi Klum and Michael Kors?

I waited, with baited breath, as the fashion show neared. Would I be called on to sew the model into my improperly fit t-shirt? Would Tim Gunn tell me the look was “costumey?” Would the Derailleurs quit playing games with my heart?

Courtesy of Cyclelicious

Finally, the moment had arrived. A bearded young model proudly entered the stage. The MC began to announce the look… but wait! She’d announced it incorrectly! She was not crediting my design, but someone elses! My model stood, unsure, and gazed at the room full of stylistically questionable individuals before him. The moment was long and agonizing, but at last the Roller Derby MC found the correct design, and the audience heaved a collective sigh of relief.

Did I win ten thousand dollars and a fashion spread in Elle magazine? No. But I walked away with the pride earned from showing at the Cow Palace. Bryant Park? Please, those designers have got nothing on B Spoke Tailor.

Riders beg for mercy from Coleman Road

Just yesterday, yours truly was able to participate in the Inaugural Celebration of Levi’s Gran Fondo.

The event was a huge success, with the ridership at the capped 3500 mark. Moreover, it was a great success for yours truly, as me and my Steel Framed Surly managed to prevail* over three-time Tour of California Champion Levi Leipheimer in the mountains west of Santa Rosa. I began well back in the pack, considering myself of the intermediate sort and not wanting to incur any sports-related injury that would prevent me from shipping out the patches and stickers you all so love (Jonny would be unable to step in and help due to his being on vacation in some exotic locale**). However, upon hitting the road, I found my legs were good, and I began to make my way through the pack.

I continued on the ride, not thinking too much of my pace until I returned, having been passed by a good number of very fit looking (and some not so fit looking) riders, to discover that in fact, Mister Leipheimer had not yet returned! In fact, he did not return for well over an hour or two after I made my triumphant sprint (more of a glass-eyed wobble) across the finish line. Yes, I truly defeated* the famed racer on a Surly LHT in this hard man’s own backyard!

I did not receive any podium awards since the event was not termed a “race,” per se, but Levi did throw an enormous Bike Monkey shirt directly at my (not enormous)  domestic partner, so perhaps that was a reward for a ride well ridden.

Seriously, congratulations to everybody who put this thing on, especially Carlos Perez, who is certainly a man of my own heart. The organization and support was superb, I would highly recommend the ride to anyone of almost any skill level (There was a 35 Mile Piccolo ride as well). Somehow, 3500 cyclists of all sorts of abilities managed to stay safe for the most part and have a hell of a lot of fun hurting themselves. The festival afterward had cycling mainstays like Trek, and Look represented along with niche frame builders like Calfee and Bruce Gordon on hand to add flavor. Plus there was the ubiquitous (and ZPG Favorite) New Belgium brews and plenty of cool smaller vendors like Action Wipes and the perfectly adorable Luce Goods.

Events like these really are one of the reasons I’m insanely glad to live in California, and any time Gladys (my Surly) and I are allowed to clumsily ride with people who actually know how to operate their fancy bicycles properly is good by me.

* “Victory” was attained by riding the Medio Fondo: 65 miles, 3500′ climbing versus Levi’s Gran Fondo: 103 mi, 6500′ climbing.
** Washington, D.C.