Posts Tagged ‘Goats and the Evil they Embody’

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Strattera For Sale, I don't know about you, but it seems like Americans these days are getting to be softies on animal cruelty. I mean, Strattera paypal, 100mg Strattera, come on, is it really so bad to put a little crack in your cat's catnip, 500mg Strattera. Strattera mexico, Is it so terrible to make your dog wear a diaper. What's so terrible about dunking a bunny rabbit in molasses, 250mg Strattera. Strattera ebay, Pets love that stuff; it's just that the people at PETA -- the same brilliant crew who decided to rename fish "sea kittens" -- would have us believe that doing anything except feeding an animal three times a day is morally wrong, deserving of jail time, Strattera australia, Strattera uk, and probably psychotherapy, too, Strattera japan. The way I see it, animals need challenges, just like young adults, and what doesn't kill 'em only makes 'em stronger, and better for telling stories about, Strattera For Sale. Strattera craiglist, So that's why I was confused when I heard the story of a goat named Brett. Some honest Minnesotan -- bless her heart -- shaved a number 4 into a its evil wool, 20mg Strattera, Strattera india, then spraypainted it purple and gold, then taught it the Minnesota Vikings themesong and a couple of cheerleading moves, Strattera us, Strattera overseas, and then tied it up (or maybe she tied it up first) and shoved it in the trunk of her car. She stopped to get her car fixed, 40mg Strattera, Strattera canada, and then some meddling car mechanic discovered the goat-in-the-trunk, alerted the authorities, 30mg Strattera, Strattera usa, and foiled her plan to rid the world of one more evil creature (it was to be ritualistically slaughtered, Minnesota style, 50mg Strattera, Strattera coupon, whatever that is). The goat stayed in the picture (adopted by some eco-hippies who probably have a glass tank full of sea kittens), 150mg Strattera, 200mg Strattera, and the Minnesotan was charged with animal cruelty misdemeanors. Strattera For Sale, Here's the thing I don't get: where was the cruelty. Do goats not like being tied up with rope, 10mg Strattera. 1000mg Strattera, Do they prefer velcro, or those kinky fake handcuffs, 750mg Strattera. Do they not like taking naps in the dark. Is anyone willing to argue that putting a goat in a trunk is any worse than putting a cat in one of those plastic-cat-carrier-boxes that people use to take their cats on planes. I hear cats LOVE those things. And besides: goats are evil. Hello Minnesotans: you should be aware of these things. As always, there's work to be done.

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No RX Kamagra, Hey, wanna be an army doctor. Why not head to Fort Carson, Kamagra usa, Kamagra overseas, CO and try practicing surgery on goats given faux combat wounds.

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Ampicillin For Sale, 3,000 miles away, in a land of tobacco and horses, there's a courageous group fighting the same good goatless fight as ZPG. Ampicillin paypal, It's called theChildhood Goat Trauma Foundation (I'm not making it up), and it's been around for more than 25 years, Ampicillin craiglist. Ampicillin usa, Not only do they have a sterling website dedicated to GTA (Goat Trauma Avoidance), they also apparently have an Investigative Team (which has kidnapped suspicious goats and shut-down evil goat farms) AND a Strike Force (which has thwarted terrorist goat plots), 200mg Ampicillin. 100mg Ampicillin, I am duly impressed, and jealous, 10mg Ampicillin. Ampicillin mexico, On the CGTF website, which is full of valuable information about rogue goats, Ampicillin canada, 30mg Ampicillin, rebel goats, terrorist goats, Ampicillin india, Ampicillin us, disturbed goats, and deranged goats (I'm not making any of this up, 20mg Ampicillin, 750mg Ampicillin, I swear), there's a simple set of rules to live goatlessly by:

*stay alert

*don't leave urban areas

*be suspicious of all farm animals

*avoid petting zoos (send a double instead!)

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*don't turn your back.

*stay away from younger goats, Ampicillin For Sale.

*don't seek safety up a tree

Elsewhere on the CGTF website, 50mg Ampicillin, 500mg Ampicillin, there's photo evidence, an amazing survey, Ampicillin ebay, 40mg Ampicillin, and this piece of fan mail; the best this goat-hater has ever seen:

From: XXXXXX@yahoo.com

Date: Fri Jan 21, 2005 10:11:41 AM US/Eastern

To: tour@goat-trauma

Subject: I'M A VICTIM, Ampicillin australia. 150mg Ampicillin, ...

When i was a child a herd of wild bloodthirsty goats charged through our home, Ampicillin overseas, Ampicillin uk, we had no idea what was happening, tiny furry horned monstrosities tore through our home eating all in their path, 250mg Ampicillin. Ampicillin coupon, My mother and i where the only survivors and we did this by hanging from the celing fan. Ampicillin For Sale, When the herd passed all that they left where a few scraps of wood, and blood stains on the foundation of our home. We found a few bones and a tooth that was dna tested and they where that of my sister, there was nothing to be found of my father. Ever since i have taken a role as vigilante bounty hunter and goat exterminator. The goats had driven me to a state of dependace upon drugs and alchohol. I have murdered over 6,000 goats both large and pigmy and have a horn from each. Since my discovery of your foundation i have been greatly relieved to find that many people have also experienced such tradgedies, Ampicillin For Sale. I can never thank you enough, if it weren't for you i'd still be a drunk slaughtering goats with an assault rifle across the country.

There's also this frightful message; the most terrifying letter this goat hater has ever seen:

From: XXXXXX@haapi.mn.org

Date: Wed May 5, 2004 5:32:38 PM US/Eastern

To: trauma@goat-trauma

Subject: help

Help. please I don't know how they found me but they got in the house and they are gnawing through the door. Please you are the only one who can help me. Send the police they bit the telephone lines. they are her fjsdiasoi;afgao;dsf fhelpl mdjfsadfjsd help ee afdsfjdfj send sd dskfs;lflddjgajhelfglafdjikfesoelp sen

Yikes.

Hats off to the CGTF, for their valiant efforts in the never-ending struggle against goats and the evil they embody.

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No RX Tindamax, I've never worked in law enforcement, so I can't speak from experience, but I imagine that cops have seen pretty much every trick in the book, and that they're not deterred when their suspects transform themselves into goats. I mean, Tindamax overseas, Tindamax india, come on -- you'd  have to be a total rookie to fall for that move.

That's why police in Lagos, Tindamax australia, Tindamax craiglist, Nigeria, are holding a "black and white beast" (also known as a goat) in custody, Tindamax canada. 20mg Tindamax, According to the Kwara State Police Command Force, the goat is actually an armed robber who tried to steal a Mazda 323, Tindamax ebay, 150mg Tindamax, and then, just before being apprehended, Tindamax uk, 1000mg Tindamax, transformed into a goat. Apparently, 100mg Tindamax, Tindamax coupon, there was a second car thief, but he got away, 200mg Tindamax, 10mg Tindamax, or transformed himself into something less obviously evil, like a squirrel, Tindamax us, 50mg Tindamax, or a bird, or a tire, Tindamax paypal, Tindamax usa, or a newspaper, or pretty much anything, 750mg Tindamax. 500mg Tindamax, I think Harry Potter once said something about using the powers of sorcery and witchcraft carefully.

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Where Can I Buy Toradol, If you blinked you might have missed it. This phrase -- "A large black goat, Toradol us, 10mg Toradol, beheaded, disemboweled" -- was on the front page of the New York Times, Toradol uk. 100mg Toradol, Alas, you probably missed it, Toradol india. 250mg Toradol, But not to worry, that's why you've got me, 200mg Toradol, 20mg Toradol, your eyes in the sky, your one man surveillance team, Toradol usa, Toradol mexico, your intrepid GITMMW (Goats-In-The-Mainstream-Media-Watchdog).

Now, 1000mg Toradol, 150mg Toradol, the NY Times has run a couple of other stories mentioning goats, but this goat story was different.., 500mg Toradol. it was fantastic, Where Can I Buy Toradol. Toradol craiglist, It was about (and I'm not making this up), an ancient team sport, 50mg Toradol, Toradol ebay, passed down from the days of Genghis Kahn, in which three teams of men on horseback in a dusty field compete to:

1) scoop up the 70-lb carcass of a frozen, Toradol canada, Toradol coupon, beheaded, disemboweled goat;2) gallop around a pole 75 yards away with it;3) race back to their goal with it still in their possession

For completing elements 1, Toradol paypal, Toradol japan, 2, and 3, 750mg Toradol, 30mg Toradol, a team is awarded 1 point. Matches often go to 30 or 40 points, 40mg Toradol. Toradol australia, Yes, I know, Toradol overseas, it's both the best use for goats I've ever heard of, and also maybe the best team sport ever invented. It's called Buzkashi (which means "goat pulling"), and acclaimed war journalist Dexter Filkins calls it "polo played with a dead animal." It's times like these in which the life of a war journalist really has its appeal. Where Can I Buy Toradol, But wait, there's more. Among other things:

a) There are no real boundaries to the gameb) Spectators, when not getting trampled, yell things like "Go in there and grab that goat!” (except in Farsi, which probably sounds way more dramatic)c) Competitors whip each others' horses and each otherd) The referee carries a Kalashnikov, in case things get out of handI'm not sure what was implied by "out of hand," as the rules seem pretty clear to me.

How does it all end. How else: the winning team roasts the bedraggled goat. A thing of beauty. And they say sportsmanship is all gone.

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A dozen goats have been released from prison in Kinshasa, and are now presumed at-large --  no doubt spreading evil.

Deputy Justice Minister Claude Nyamugabo ordered the goats released, Vpxl us, Vpxl uk, after discovering them on a "routine jail visit" -- which sort of makes you wonder what else he discovered.

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